Hot and Lasting Linguists
What do hot and lasting couples have in common with national spelling bee champions?
What do hot and lasting couples have in common with national spelling bee champions?
Both value the power of vocabulary words.
Words open up intimacy, empathy and insight. The right words make it safe to ask for what you want and more likely that you’ll receive it. Hot and lasting couples have a sexual vocabulary that is clear and specific. They don’t use phrases like, “down there” or “it”. They never assume that they fully know their partner’s erotic map. Such partners are eager and curious to learn more and are at ease asking questions. These couples sense when their partner doesn’t understand and are quick to speak up with appreciation for their partner’s openness to discover more. Erotic maps evolve over time. Smart couples know to review and renew their understanding of one another every now and then.
The exercise below will refresh your couples’ erotic map. Simply share your reflections on how you see yourself. Compared this with how your partner sees you.
What adjectives would you use to describe:
- Your experience, attitude, identity and feelings about intimacy and sex today
- Your partner’s experience, attitude, identity and feelings about intimacy and sex today
For example: excited, sensitive, low energy, open, faded, bright, dominant, submissive, quiet, boisterous, dazzling, dull, carefree, constricted, dynamic, passive, easy going, overwhelming, playful, vulnerable, craving, curious, LGBTQ+, fluid, binary, mystery, lost, adventurous, sinful, energetic, luscious, traditional, unconventional.
After this ice-breaking conversation, start weaving your vocabulary list into your intimate conversations. Including your new vocabulary words will make it easier to set boundaries, describe your erotic map or ask for what you want.
Try this exercise for a few weeks. If your couple still struggles with opening up your communication, call me. A few hours of coaching can work wonders!
